... At Last!

THIS must be a good day! I recover all my password for my blogs...
After a long while, I think i finally settle down and have more time to write now...
Hope to do more productive writing... mostly will be on ELT and life in general which is what I am currently focusing on..
More to come later.. - H

So... who are the bad people?

Kids with their innocence are wise beyond their age. If only all the grown up possess or perhaps still cling to an ounce of these innocence will perhaps lead this world to be a better place. My heart is sadden with what happen in Egypt and these past few days, Syria. News from all around the world show war and killing everyday. Syria tragedy really broke my heart. All those childrens lifeless... with future and childhood ruthlessly robbed from them. I honestly avoided the news these past few days... quickly clicking to other link and scrolldown the facebook newsfeed whenever I see another news or pictures of Syrian massacre. No... It's not that I don't care... I am a mother and I saw my daughter in each and every one of those children in war-torn areas... It is painful.

These past few days I have been struggling to keep up with my dissertation deadline. I mostly came home exhausted and fall to sleep right after dinner. However, I have a habit of waking up very early for quiet time. Those are the times, I looked at my daughter and wonder what kind of world she will grow up into? Praying for wisdom to raise her in Christian faith. Praying for her innocence and curiosity will develop healtily towards constructive and caring character. How I want to savour those moments as she sleepily trace her tiny hand on my neck - she always do this for comfort, then snuggle closely while breathing steadily. I can only pray and do my best to raise you little girl. Instead... my daughter with her innocence, reminded me of all those pearls of wisdom from day to day with her fresh perspective of life.

Arundel Castle - Photo from the Internet

Yesterday, we had a day-out to Arundle Castle in West Sussex. Simon, me and Tania together with our brothers and sisters from Holland who were visiting us in Brighton. It was a wondeful day, even the rain did not dampen our spirit to explore the castle and the village. The castle was beautiful and very well preserved. - I will continue the entry about the castle later - Anyhow... we explore the castle keep where there were the castle dungeons

Arundel Castle Dungeons

Tania and I looked down to the dungeon and saw a manequin doll posing as a prisoner to reenact the old days. she said, "Mommy, I saw something. What is that down there?"
I said, "That's a prisoner honey"
She said, "But Mommy... why?"
"Well...long time ago they put bad people in the dungeon"
Tania looked down again and think for a minute then she said,
"but... but.. but... Mommy! No Mommy... BAD people put people in the dungeon."

There you go... Wisdom out of the mouth of babes...
In the light of Syria... in the light of any war anywhere...
who are we to reduce others as enemy...
and justify punishing them to the point that you took their life away from them.
Who are you to play god?

Library

I love spending time at the Library, one because of the books. I love books, their smell, their physical presence that symbolizes rows and rows of rich knowledge ready to devoured. I love the still sound of the Silent study space, where sometimes near lunch time, my rumbling tummy threathened to turn me into a vicious troll whom everyone will cast and evil eyes on.

This morning as I waited for the library computer to boot, I cast my eyes around the social study areas where I have been 'nesting' for the past 3 weeks. Indeed, I see the same face on exactly the same spot. Different clothes and different hairdo.. but the same person, same frown and same dead serious stare on their computer screen. Occasionally, there's a new person who came early and seize someone 'regular' spot. Then that someone will come along, stop for a second few steps from the occupied 'regular' spot... cast a killing look toward the 'regular' spot snatcher then take a deep breath before unwantingly looking for a new spot.

I have several favourite spot in the library. I get bored easily and need suitable spot for different study need. Sussex University Library (Which I am sure similar to other library) has different study areas: Social Study areas, Quiet Study areas and Silent Study area. I am more of a silent study areas person. Silence helps my brain to focus and able to produce productive thoughts. One of my classmates and fellow library 'sitter', claimed that the silent study area drives her crazy. She needs to see people around or at least some movements and sounds. She always picks the social study areas. However, lately I have been using the social study areas simply because they have wide screen so I can see 2 or 3 douments at once. This is beneficial for my cross analizying research findings and comceptual frameworks. However, I do not really like the surrounding. First, too many people walking here and there. Second, people talking (although in a low hushed voice) but that's distracting. Third, nosey people glancing over the sceen I am working... that's highly irritating. Fourth, the ding sound of the elevator and the bam sound of the swing door always drives me mad.

Therefore, by lunch time, I shall look for another spot before I lose my sanity.

Anyway, do you have a favourite Library spot?

My hands are too short

For the past few weeks, my daughter had been speaking more and more in English.
With that, comes the added confidence for her to speak to other kids we met on the playground.
Yesterday, I sat on on the sofa of the kids corner in Jubilee Library watching her playing with the Ride-on Snail and Race Cars and her attempt to engage with other kids.
She said to one of the girls, "Can I play with you, please?"
I held my breath and clutched my heart to my chest.
The little girls said 'Yes, What's your name?"
I can breathe....

That very moment I realized...
I can never shelter my precious girl forever
She will one day fly and build her life her own way
I will never always be there to protect or care for her

I can always say she's beautiful, smart and kind
But someone might bully her in the playground or maybe online
Saying hurtful things that are not true about her
I may not always know, see or do something about it

We walk hand in hands and I can always catch her when she tripped and fall
but I may never always be there when life hit her hard.
When roads she chooses are twisted and  bent,
I may not always be there at its every turn to tell her which way to go

And one day, when her heart linger for that special someone,
I may not always be the one she will listen
when her heart is falling deep in the flowery bed
I can't blame her... It's her time


I cannot tell other what to think about my little girl
but I can teach my little girl to respect and love herself

My hands are too short to hold her hand
And I know, the only thing I can do is to pray....
for her protection and comfort
for good friends and lasting friendship
for healthy attitude towards herself
for those times when she needed something or someone to hang on
for to help her stand when she falls
for that special someone who will be her life companion

Know this, my baby girl
My knees are only short distance to the floor
whereas my hands are short, God's hand will keep you safe wherever you are. 

Updates on Cancer Research UK - Race for Life (-18 days)

I was never a runner. I am not keen on running. I find that running is boring. So you said to me, why taking up 5K running challenge then? Well, once in your life you got to do something different that pushed you way out of your comfort zone. Running is Definitely NOT my comfort zone. It is way... Waaaaaaay... out there for the above reason I mentioned. However, I am doing this for an important causes. One, to pledge my support for those battling cancer and two, to raise fund for cancer research.

It is now more than a month since I pledge my support and registered to run. Few days ago, running T-Shirt and running number arrived. I opened it in total disbelief that I ACTUALLY will be doing this. I pondered at the fact that my training routine is a mess. Trying to balance house life, dissertation and a monstrous denial, procrastination and dislike of running feeling is like a trying to drag a tractor across a football field with your teeth. I am tremendously  blessed for My better-hal, Simon, who allow me to explore these part of me and have always been supportive.

Last week, I injured my knee and left leg. I think I was pushing it too far with incorrect warm-up and cool-down routines. This week I am begin again. This morning, I did a longer warm-up and exercise gradual pace acceleration. I am still on Sudden burst technique which means I am behind in training when I was supposed to be running a longer and steady period now. But, I am not afraid... The most important thing is not to be injured which will put a long paused in my training, where everyone knows, starting again will means I need to drag that tractor across the football field with my teeth again. 

Almost the End

Wow... How time flies!
The Facebook Notification of Invitation to Official Chevening Farewell Event made me jump. 
So soon... But it only confirming the near future that we all know and expected to happen. 

Soon, I need to submit my Dissertation Proposal. Then the battle to complete the dissertation over Summer will commenced. Then Comes the Dissertation deadline followed by a cocktail of emotions - a mix between weeks of sleep deprivation and high brain activities, Hibernation from social life, family life and social media life, Too much or too little eat depending on what the stress does to you. 

It's a wake up call of how my study has overwhelmed me and the proof is that I do not update my blog as often as I used to. 

Anyway, The end is at sight. What I need to do now... is to keep calm and carry on! Keeping my sight on the final line and do my best to finish...

As my Chinese friend will say to me 'FIGHTING!!'

Run!... Cancer Run!

Yep! That's it! No second thoughts... I am running for Cancer Research UK- Race for Life.

For the past few months, Cancer Research UK TV ad for Race for Life has tugged something in me. I know many of my friends whose life been beaten up by cancer. Many of them show the courage and great strength that I know can only come from their strong faith in God and from the love and care of family and friends. Sometimes I find me hesitating to type a message of encouragement, to say... I am praying for you... to say God will show you the way. For all its worth, I know that for those in battle those uplifting messages can come at the time they needed the most and that small act of kindness such as an FB message can be a source of strength for them to keep going. Then, I saw the Ad. One morning, in the middle of the madness trying to finish my Spring term essay, I call my husband and said, "I am going to do the 5K Race for life this June". I am sure my husband was stunned of this out of the blue message. For one, It was a long time since the sporty me kicked. So this is a huge revelation.

But the truth is, this is my way of saying, I care about all of my family and friends who inspired me in in their battle. I owe this especially to my best friend and soul sister, Emily Pember with her Ministry, 4-Hope of Massachusetts. Her relentless ministry to support people who are going through a life threatening illness inspired me to take this little challenging step. My Cancer research 5K run sponsor ship will not touch her ministry directly but I hope it will contribute to finding the cure to cancer and other devastating illness. If you are reading this and felt the calling to help Emily and her ministry, please click on the link to learn more.

This is also owe to my dear sister in faith, Nur Moebius, whose son, Junaid, passed away from Neuroblastoma. Her battle reminded me that Cancer effected more than the person, it devastated the family and friends too.

So, I invited you to share your story if you ever have Cancer messing with you, your family or your friends. Please support my cause by making donation and/or Coming to Stanmer Park, Brighton, UK, Saturday 29th June 2013 and cheer me on.