First Work week of the year

This is a first for me. This year I am officially joining the band of government official, ‘the serious and the seriously working’ as a friend once label it. It’s not a bad thing really. But after years of freelance and self-initiated work not to mention countless networking works, 8 to 5 – 5 days a week job is a bit of a prison sentence. This is especially if you are me and boredom is only a breath away.

Now, this grants my start of the year with a bit of an undertone. I must admit it is rather scary to think I will have to be at work, rain or shine throughout the year. However, the work I am currently doing is nonetheless my passion and fortunately there are more than enough wriggle room for creativity and innovation on my part.

I am an English Lecturer (in other word a glorified English Teacher).  I am proud to a teacher. This is the path where I am directly in touched with the life of my students where my words and actions help set their foot to the course of their purpose driven life.

So as the dawn of the first of working week of this year come upon us… I raise my hot tea cup to toast the start of a new adventure. Here’s to days of grading, planning, executing, assessing, laughing, crying, sleeping, eating and witnessing the process of learning (and teaching)

The-Never-Should-Be-Talked-About-debate on Baptism

It is interesting to see the theological debate between Protestant Church and Pentecostal church concerning Baptism. In the first week of this month (December 2015), My brother’s 2+ months old daughter was “Presented in Church”. (I am not sure whether ‘Presented in Church’ is the right English translation for Penyerahan Anak. I am open to correction and suggestion for further improvement). My family is Pantecostal and we do not embrace the child Baptism because Pantecostal believe that baptismal decision should be made by a mature person who are able to make their own decision, realizing their sins and would take a leap of faith to be ‘born again’ through baptism. During the service, both parents, My brother, his wife and the daughter, sat in front of the altar where they received messages of wisdom from the bible. The Church elders and the whole congregation later joined together to pray and to receive blessings not only for the child but most importantly the parents and as whole, the church where the child will grow in the learning of the Truth. The pastor strictly announce their stand of No Child Baptism. They do not mention which church denomination but it is like a public hush-hush of you-know-whom-I-meant. 

My little girl Tania will receive her holy sacrament of Baptism this coming 26^th of December. Now, Tania is 5 years old and of course it means this is a child baptism. I am married to a Protestant (not that it matters, but for the sake of the story line I will need to say this). During the preparatory meeting, the pastor explained to the parents and god-parents that the baptism is a symbol of redemption and miraculous act of divine power over the life of a child, where the baptized child is a member of a church, a member of the kingdom of heaven. Thus throughout the child’s life, he/she will learn to know Jesus and His teaching and apply it to his/her life. The pastor made a reference that there is no need for ‘re-baptism’ (Baptis Ulang) in their adult life because the child is anointed in the name of Father, Son and the Holy Spirit only once. The pastor of course did not made a clear naming but everyone know that is is the hush-hush of you-know-whom-I-meant.

Now, based on what I hear from the pastors, Penyerahan Anak (Child Presentation in Church) and Child Baptism are essentially referring to the similar theological notion. Now before I continue, I want to give the disclaimer that I am NOT a theologian. This is purely my opinion. I am not trying to over-generalizing the matter. Discretion, adult consideration and wisdom are encouraged.

Both Penyerahan Anak (Child Presentation in Church) in Pentecostal Church and Child Baptism in Protestant Church mentioned the same elements: the anointing of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Being a member of the church on Earth and in Heaven, Parental guidance as well as support from the congregation are enforced as the community where the child will grow to learn about Jesus, His teaching and application in life. I can see that in this phase of a child’s life, the emphasis is on the responsibility of the parents, god-parents and church community as whole as we welcome the child spiritually and physically in our midst.

The difference is in the use of water. Pentecostal church does not use water in this occasion and rather emphasis on anointing the child by releasing blessings through prayers and joyful rejoice. Protestant church use water, 3 times the splashing of water over the head of the child as the anointment was proclaimed. This, in my opinion made the Protestant baptism considered sacred and cannot be ‘tinkered’ with in anyway, (read ‘re-baptism’).

Once again, I do not dare to say which is wrong and which is right nor to come to the point of referring to which is the ultimate true baptism. Who am I to say that? I sincerely believe there is nothing wrong in this believe and sacred sacrament. Water throughout times, culture and religion was used to symbolize cleansing, purity and sacredness. Thus, most of the time when the holy water is poured and use in anointing, it is forbidden for us to denounce or re-do the sacred act.

Before we continue I need to share something about me and my family. I was born in the time where my family was a member and follower of Protestant Church. I grew up in church and was very active in all church activity; Sunday school, Teen Groups and I was even a church dancer. My parents at some point share the believe about NO Re-baptism after the child baptism was done. Then come the religious conflict in our land. We were uprooted from our village, live in refugee camps, live in fear midst the war that is raging around us and being chased and threatened to be killed because of our belief. We didn’t immediately turned Pentecostal, nor Pentecostal served us better than the Protestant. We were still attending Protestant Church and tried to be active in our core church. Then come one day, my parents and brother went to the funeral of a relative. They were Pentecostal. My father shared that He felt he was touched deeply by the preacher’s words. My parents began to attend their gathering (they weren't an official church yet). My brother began to help them with keyboard playing. I was away training in Bangkok, Thailand I suppose. I returned home to a new kind of family. A sense of fresh breath of faith in the house. We then began attending and felt at home. The way Pentecostal preach is different from Protestant. I guess that at that time, during the conflict, we needed those words more than we need to hear preaching about the nation and the country that completely failed us. I believe we longed for a more intimate relationship with God and Pentecostal way provided that for us. Long story short, we became the member of Pentecostal Church where both my brother and I were very active in Music and Praise and Worship. I was particularly active with the youth.

So I was baptized as a child. Then I made my decision to be baptized in terms of an act of born again when I was in my University year (an adult) together with my parents and brother. Now being in both circumstances, I think I can share some of my opinion. I think we cannot say that the adult baptism in Pentecostal Church is Re-Baptism or Baptis Ulang. I believe the Child Baptism is actually the presentation of a child to the church. Baptism should be done out of conscious realization of one’s sins and the leap of faith to receive Jesus as savior and to be born again as a whole new creation. This later one can only be done by adult who has full knowledge of what is right and wrong and who is able to make his/her own decision.

When I was a child and my parents were still in Protestant church they brought (a child ) me to be baptized because they feel their responsibility and their love to Jesus that they want their child to grow in the knowledge of HIM. As I grow older, learning more about life, doing my fair share of mistakes and sins, I wanted to make amends with God. I wanted to start a new life. I know I can only do this in Jesus name, in HIS Mercy and Love. What better and more beautiful way to do this that to surrender myself and do the ‘Jesus Baptism’. As I was submerged underwater, I surrender all my sins and wrongdoings. I surrender my past, present and future to Jesus. I rise from the water as a clean slate. A new person. A born again whose sins are washed away.

 

So there is a fundamental difference between the ‘Child Baptism’ and ‘Adult Baptism’. I believe this nay-say and finger pointing about which is right and which is wrong is pointless and childish. If only churches can sit together, talk heart to heart not between them but between them and God. I don’t want to belittle sacrament or holy rituals here but I think churches need to see that it is a matter of terminology and symbolic rituals which lead to the conceptual theology. I believe there is nothing wrong when an adult Christian is ‘born again’ through submerged baptism.  Isn’t that good? Isn’t that what Church aimed for, to save lives and bring them to God? Also there’s nothing wrong in Child Baptism. It’s a celebration of ‘new member’ which is our shared responsibility to keep them growing in God’s track. Now judging by what happen around me now where young people fall in to sins and the very church community who welcomed them are helpless and even joined/seduced them into it, - then ‘Born Again’ is not a bad idea at all.

So what I want to say is there’s no need for denomination arrogance. There’s no need to keep hinting that ‘what WE are doing is right and what THEY are doing is wrong’. There is no need to demonize others just because they do it differently. Let us work together. Save Life! Save these souls for the Kingdom of God. As long as we are living on earth, we can only do our best to bring souls to Jesus. In the end when the King comes for the second time, He will be the judge. Until then, just do our best, work together and don’t build walls (of denomination).

So this coming 26^th of December 2015, my 5 years old daughter will be baptized and I will continue to pray for one day, she discover God, befriended Jesus and walk with Holy Spirit. I will continue to pray that if she made mistakes, commit sins etc. She knows Jesus has her back. I will continue to pray that one day when the world gets her, she will find a way to be ‘born again’ and walk the path that has always meant for her. It will be her decision. Until then… I will continue to pray for her.

Etika, Kesopanan, Tata Krama dan Kebiasaan yang Baik

(Sengaja kali ini saya menulis dengan Bahasa Indonesia karena tulisan ini saya buat untuk Mahasiswa saya. Alasannya adalah agar mahasiswa dan murid2 saya yang lain dapat memahaminya dengan baik. Saya terlalu mengasihi anda dan ingin agar life skill ini anda miliki. Saya dan tentu anda juga tidak ingin anda selalu dimarahi oleh saya dan oleh dosen lain)

Puji Tuhan! Saya sudah memasuki liburan Natal 2015 dan Tahun Baru 2016.5 hari lagi Hari Natal akan tiba dengan segala cerita dan maknanya. Tapi postingan hari ini bukan tentang Kelahiran Kristus ataupun tentang perayaannya. Postingan ini adalah sedikit cerita sedih. Cerita ini sedih karena berkaca dari apa yang terjadi beberapa hari ini di kampus antara saya dan teman dosen2 lain dengan mahasiswa kami. Postingan ini adalah cerita sedih karena berkaca padanya, kami menarik kesimpulan bahwa Etika, Kesopanan, Tata Krama dan Kebiasaan yang Baik sama sekali tidak dimiliki oleh mahasiswa kami. Saya adalah dosen baru yang mengajar pada semester ini. Jadi total saya telah mengajar selama sekitar 3 bulanan lebih. Umumnya saya cukup relax dan cukup berusaha membangun kedekatan dengan mahasiswa, namun saya punya batasan-batasan tertentu mengenai standar etika dan tata krama. Saya dibesarkan dengan pengajaran ketat mengenai Etika, Kesopanan, Tata Krama dan Kebiasaan yang Baik terutama dengan orang yang lebih tua serta dengan mereka yang adalah guru/pendidik dan terutama dalam lingkungan akademis.

Akhir minggu yang lalu, mahasiswa kelas saya diharuskan untuk memasukan Tugas Akhir mereka pada salah satu mata kuliah yang saya asuh, yaitu Portfolio Mata Kuliah yang adalah artefak belajar mereka selama semester ini. Saya masuk setengah hari pada hari pengumpulan tersebut dan mahasiswa saya saya minta untuk mengumpulkannya di Meja saya di ruang dosen. Betapa terkejutnya saya ketika datang setelah makan siang dan mendapatkan laporan dari teman-teman dosen yang lain tentang betapa tidak sopannya anak-anak saya. Teman-teman dosen lain juga mengajarkan anak-anak yang disebutkan disini sehingga kami selalu saling berkoordinasi.

Beberapa ketidaksopanan mereka antara lain:

1. Masuk ke ruang dosen tanpa memberi salam dan permisi. Padahal ada 5 orang dosen lain yang sedang bekerja di meja mereka di dalam ruangan.
2.  Tanpa Ba-bi-bu langsung grasak-grusuk di meja saya tanta 'kulonuwon' dengan dosen lain yang ada dalam ruangan (ruangan dosen kami adalah ruang komunal besar dengan meja-meja kerja kami masing-masing diatur di sepanjang dinding dan sehuah meja rapat panjang ditengah ruangan)
3. Berbicara dengan tidak sopan kepada dosen lain untuk menanyakan keberadaan saya atau tempat meletakan tugas. Berbicara tidak sopan disini maksudnya adalah tanpa sapaan terlebih dahulu kepada ibu dosen. Langsung saja "Eh ibu Helena tidak ada ya". 
4. Melonggokan kepala (saja) kedalam ruangan tanpa masuk dan tanpa salam untuk mengecek lalu keluar lagi. 
5. Masuk secara bergerombol dan berisik.

Yang sangat disayangkan adalah bukan hanya satu atau dua orang yang melakukan hal ini tapi hampir semua mahasiswa baik semester baru ini ataupun kakak tingkatnya. Hal ini bukan baru terjadi hari ini, namun sudah kami lihat terjadi berulang-kali bahkan setelah ditegur dan diarahkan bagaimana cara baiknya. Nah, dimana letak masalahnya? Mahasiswa-mahasiswa ini adalah young adult dimana ketika mereka sampai ditahapan belajar ini mereka telah melewati beberapa fase dan lingkup pembelajaran karakter dulu. Sebelum saya lanjutkan, saya tidak bermaksud menuduh atau menjatuhkan vonis kesalahan pada siapapun ya... namun perlu kita sadari bahwa ini adalah masalah kruisial untuk character building bangsa kita (ehem... Nasionalis sekali ya).


Apakah pendidikan karakter di keluarga sangat terbatas atau sama sekali tidak ada? Mungkin karena orang tua sibuk bekerja dan pendidikan karakter anak ter'serah'kan kepada pihak lain (kakek,nenek, tante, om, saudara, pembantu, lingkungan). Apakah di jenjang-jenjang sekolah tidak ada penerapan dan pemberlakukan sangsi keras pada pelanggar Etika, Kesopanan, Tata Krama dan Kebiasaan yang Baik? Sehingga anak-anak menjadi permisif dan hilang arahan?

Quote picture diatas mungkin adalah jawabannya. Generasi saat ini tumbuh dalam budaya yang permisif yang kita kultifasi sendiri. Zaman saya bertumbuh rotan, kayu, ikat pinggang akan menjadi ganjaran saya jika tidak berlaku sopan dan tidak melakukan hal dengan mempertimbangkan orang lain. Mungkinkah karena perkembangan teknology yang mulai menggantikan socaial etiquette?
Saya pikir mungkin anak-anak saya tidak tahu dan tidak diberitahu bagaimana caranya berperilaku antara Mahasiswa dan Dosen dan bagaimana bersikap dalam lingkungan akademis seperti kampus.

Take it from me kids.... seperti yang dikatakan pada gambar diatas, perilaku dan tingkah laku yang baik akan membukakan pintu yang bahkan pendidikan (pada institusi) terbaik pun tak mampu. Maka tadi pagi saya iseng-iseng menggoogle mengenai Etika, Kesopanan, Tata Krama dan Kebiasaan yang Baik terutama dalam lingkup akademis kampus. Berikut ini saya kompilasikan bagi kalian ya...

Berikut ini adalah hasil Screen capture dari blog Ilmu Biologi dan Kesehatan

Kemudian ada tambahan dari Blog SMK Kesehatan Widyausaha Mengenai hal-hal yang perlu diperhatikan dalam pergaulan dengan dosen:

1. Tunjukkanlah sikap hormat dan gunakanlah bahasa yang halus dan sopan, jika sedang berhadapan / berbicara dengan dosen. 
2. Jika perkuliahan sedang berlangsung, curahkanlah seluruh perhatian kepada dosen, janganlah berbuat gaduh atau bercakap-cakap karena hal itu di samping mengganggu ketenangan, juga sangat tidak menghormati dosen dan ilmu yang sedang disampaikan. 
3. Pertanyaan atau tanggapan mengenai materi perkuliahan hendaknya dikemukakan secara sopan. 
4. Usahakanlah untuk tidak keluar ruangan belajar (misalnya ke kamar kecil). Kalaupun sangat terpaksa, minta izin terlebih dahulu pada waktu dosen tidak berbicara.
5. Hendaklah sudah berada di dalam ruangan sebelum dosen datang masuk. Jika terlambat, mintalah maaf sambil memberikan alasan yang tepat. 
6. Kerjakanlah setiap tugas dari dosen dengan sebaik-baiknya.

Saya ingin menambahkan beberapa hal dengan berkaca pada 'insiden' yang saya sebutkan diatas dan yang sesuai dengan konteks kita di kampus.

1. Ketuk pintu ruang dosen dengan normal lalu masuk. Anda tidak perlu dosen menunggu dosen mengatakan "silahkan masuk". 
2. Setelah membuka pintu dan masuk, berikan salam dan permisi sesuai waktu dan lihat situasi dan kondisi dalam ruangan. Apakah dosen-dosen sedang berbicara atau tidak? Apakah ada dosen yang duduk paling dekat dengan pintu atau tidak. 
• Jika dosen-dosen sedang berbicara, dan terutama jika dosen yang anda tuju sedang berbicara dengan dosen lainya. Sebaiknya anda duduk di kursi panjang yang tersedia di dekat pintu. Perhatikan ketika ada jeda dan anda dapat menghampiri dosen anda.  
• Jika ada dosen yang duduk paling dekat dengan pintu. Sapalah beliau terlebih dahulu dan utarakan keinginan anda untuk bertemu dengan dosen yang mana. "Selamat siang ibu, Maaf saya mau permisi bertemu dengan ibu Helena"
• Kata-kata seperti Selamat Pagi, Selamat Siang, Selamat Sore, Permisi, Maaf mengganggu ibu/pak, Terima Kasih dll... adalah kata-kata ampuh yang jangan pernah anda lupakan baik dalam lingkup kampus atau dimana pun anda berada. 
• Jika akan meletakan tugas/mengambil sesuatu di meja/ruang dosen. Sapalah juga dosen lain dan utarakan tujuan anda. "Selamat siang Ma'am/Sir. Permisi saya mau meletakan tugas di mejanya Ibu Helena./Permisi saya mau mengambil Lecturer's note saya/Permisi ibu Helena minta saya untuk mengambil Charger laptopnya diatas meja." Lalu diakhiri dengan "terima kasih ma'am/sir, permisi". 
• Ketika menghampiri meja dosen, harap pikirkan mengenai jarak kesopanan. Ada kejadian pada bulan lalu, mahasiswa saya yang ketika masuk, tanpa permisi langsung masuk, berjalan lurus-lurus dan berdiri langsung disamping saya. Ada juga yang ketika datang langsung berdiri melekat pada depan meja saya dan mencondongkan diri sangat dekar dengan saya. Anda sudah menginvasi ruang pribadi dan ruang kerja saya. Dan itu sangat tidak sopan. Berdirilah 1 langkah dari meja dosen dan minta permisi apakah bisa dosen menerima anda saat itu.
3. Jika anda melihat dosen anda sedang makan, tunggulah hingga ia selesai baru anda hampiri dan utarakan maksud anda. 
4. Jika dosen baru tiba di ruangan dan anda sementara menunggu untuk bertemu, jangan langsung mengekor dan membombardir beliau. Berikan beliau beberapa menit untuk masuk ke ruangan, berdoa di mejanya dan untuk menarik napas sejenak baru anda masuk. 

 Berikut sebagai tambahan adalah mengenai etika ber-SMS dengan dosen. Dinus Student Blog menuliskan contoh-contoh sebagai berikut:

Pernahkah kalian mahasiswa SMS dosen, dan tidak dibalas?? Coba perhatikan beberapa petikan SMS ini :

Tipe tanpa identitas :
“Bu, ibu ada di mana sekarang? Hari ini ke kampus gak bu?”
“Ibu ada di mana???? Ditunggu di kelas xxx sekarang”

Apa dampaknya jika anda tidak memberitahu identitas anda? Tengoklah percakapan dibawah ini:
mhs :”ibu, saya mau ketemu”
dosen :”maaf, ini siapa ya?”
mhs :”saya budi”
dosen :”budi yang mana ya?”
mhs :”saya budi mahasiswa ibu”
dosen :”oooh…., budi winarno?”
mhs :”bukan…, budi setiawan, mahasiswa IF A”
dosen :”baik mas budi, kapan mau ketemu?”
mhs : “nanti siang bu”
dosen : “baik mas, silakan datang, nanti siang saya sedang kosong”

Bayangkan, berapa banyak waktu dan pulsa terbuang hanya untuk melayani sms seperti ini. Jika anda hanya menuliskan maksud anda “ibu, saya mau ketemu”, dosen anda tentu bingung ini sms dari siapa? tukang kredit? petugas asuransi? sales buku? kolega bisnis? atau mahasiswa?

Tipe memerintah :
“Bu saya … dari kelas … Boleh minta slide kuliah gak bu? Kirimin via gmail aja ya bu, kita butuh buat belajar, makasih…”
“Bu. Nilai mata kuliah XXX saya belum keluar di simak. Dosennya sudah di hubungi bu ten belum ? dihubungi saya tidak respon buu..”
“bu…., tolong dikoreksi ya bu, saya pengen cepat lulus”

Dosen pada umumnya orang yang usianya lebih tua dari anda, jadi, jangan memerintahkannya untuk melakukan sesuatu seperti anda ngobrol dengan teman anda. Anda bisa memintanya dengan gaya yang lebih sopan. Misalkan : saya membutuhkan slide kuliah ibu untuk bahan belajar, dimana saya bisa mendapatkannya bu?

Tipe alay :
“SoRe bu..ApA be5ok 4da kul!ah Ga’ ea?”
“Oowh gitchu ya buk…., mu u cih bingits ya buk….”

Bagi mahasiswa, tulisan 4L4y mungkin lucu dan menarik, tapi bagi dosen, tentu butuh waktu khusus untuk mencerna tulisan anda.

Tipe sok penting
“Bu, bimbingannya ndak jadi hari ini karena saya ada acara keluar. Besok saja jam 9. Trims”
“Wah pagi saya nggak bisa e bu, Sore aja ya bu?”

Bagi mahasiswa, jika waktu yang dijanjikan oleh dosen bertabrakan dengan acara lain, anda bisa membalasnya dengan pilihan bahasa lain, seperti : “maaf bu, untuk jam 2 saya masih ada di luar kota, apakah mungkin agar dire-schedulle ke jam 4 sore sekiranya ibu punya waktu”

Maka ada beberapa Poin penting yang harus anda perhatikan pada saat ber SMS.

1. Perhatikan bahasa dan kata-kata yang anda gunakan
2. Perhatikan waktu SMS anda. Jangan terlalu malam atau bahkan terlalu pagi. 

Contoh tata krama ber-SMS lain dapat anda lihat pada Blog Catatan Nuryanti.

Baiklah... Sepertinya sampai disini catatan panjang mengenai topik yang penting ini.
Semoga bermanfaat.

About Hardwork and Success

These past few days I have been led to think about hard work in learning.
I have the privilege of being their lecturer and this week and the coming week we have some speaking projects and presentation. I must admit that I was very surprise at the poor level of English Skills that English Department students have. I was reminded that they are only on their 1st semester. I do believe in the notion that every students have potentials so I convince myself to hold on to the fact that they will improve.

On the other hand, also within this week, I was confronted with some of the most outrageous excuses ever made by students that made me question their seriousness in studying. I have decided to make a list of the excuses and left the person out. I would like to share it for the reason of documentation and for future pondering.

Reasons for when are late and not attending the MID-Term Test

1. I am not used to wake up early in the morning (The Test was at 8.30 AM)
2. I am not a morning person.
3. I have never have to wake up early in the morning
4. I don't have money to go to campus
5. I forgot the scheduled time
6. I don't get the information
7. I was feeling sick (however, this sts did not contact me before/during test. and instead come few days later)
8. I have some family problem

Reasons for not submitting assignment on time

1. The program in my laptop was (magically) erased
2. My Mozilla won't work
3. I was caught sick in the middle of my work
4. I don't have money to rent a computer or to go to internet (although they can submit handwritten work or go to Library)
5. My file was erased just as I was about to

Reasons for not attending class (without notice or permission)

1. I was feeling unwell that day
2. I have family problem
3. My father hasn't sent me money for transportation (the students was with a high end latest hand phone and full make-up face)
4. I got my period
5. I was tired from my other class
6. I had a fight with my classmates

So... as I am holding tight to the hope that they will improve. The improvement can only happen with my students put on some hard work and really serious with their learning.

The Balancing Act of a working mother

So I have now begun the new chapter of life.
I am now the new Junior lecturer at Pattimura University English Department.
I am excited of this new tenure... excited for all the teaching, reading, development etc and also fully aware of the hard work that awaits.
So now... my life currently running on tighter schedule. Simon decided to stay home with Tania during my adjustment year. I am ever so grateful for him. I know he enjoy and believes that it is important to spend time with Tania in this 'golden' age of a child. I get a bit jealous now that he spend more time with her.

Everyday, I need to wake up at 6 AM the latest to prepare myself and the lunch I need to bring. I am making it a habit to bring my won food to make sure I have a balance and healthier diet. We currently live in Waai village, where Simon's parents house is. It is about 30-45 minutes motorcycle drive and 1 - 1.30 hours public car transport ride to Ambon city center where the campus is.
Some of my classes began at 8 AM so I need to be strict to leave home by 7 or before that. But on days that I have afternoon class or no teaching day. I cam leave by 8 or 8.30.

I am now began to enjoy my morning reading time in the lecture room. It feels like coming home. Reading has always bring comfort and joy for me. But before that, reading was a necessity. Now that I am in campus most of the time and not having any structural responsibility yet, reading is what i love. at the same time, it helps me to increase and improve also refresh the knowledge and skills I have had for long time.

I planned to leave campus by 4 PM or 5 PM where I went straight back to Passo where our English Course located. I have classes 4 days in a week began at 6 PM to 8 pm. If Simon has classes to at the English Course then we will ride home on the motorcycle and arrived home by 9 or 9.30 PM. But if I have to take public transport, I will arrive home by 10 or 10.30 PM. Public transport to Waai after dark is a bit of a hassle ... almost non existence.

Arriving home, I am usually too tired. I sometimes talk a bit with Tania, read her a book and pray nightime prayer with her then I usually dozed off even before she does.

I wake up early again and went out before she wakes up.

Nope... I have no complain or regret. God is good.
This is my new routine. I am currently juggling and balancing my responsibility as wife and companion to my husband, a mother to my daughter, a daughter to my two family, a lecturer at UNPATTI, a director and instructor of my Language center as well as other alliances and relationship with friends and colleague...

I found that I now grew even closer to God. I need God to keep me afloat. to guide and enable me. In HIM I confide all my deepest secret, flaws, shortcoming, happiness and success. For in HIM I am content. Praise be to GOD..

When Life is Short.... #NulisRandom2015 Day 4

Tania sudah naik ke tempat tidurnya. Saya juga sudah mengganti baju ke baju yang nyaman buat tidur.
Tapi beberapa hari ini Tania susah dan tidak bisa (atau tidak mau) tidur siang. Dia tahu konsekwensinya adalah harus langsung tidur setelah makan malam. Seperti biasa dan layaknya anak-anak seusia dia, pasti saja ada penolakan dan pembangkangan.

Malam ini, Tania kena marah. karena dia berlama-lama naik ke tempat tidur walaupun dia telah memberikan janji penuhnya tadi siang. Tapi dia sedang berbicara dengan Opa dan Omanya lewat HP saya. Opa dan Oma sedang ada di Jakarta untuk health check-up. Saya mensetting HP ke speaker mode agar Tania bisa leluasa bercerita. Lalu kemudian setelah menutup telpon, Tania masih saja jingkrak-jingkrakan di tempat tidur sedangkan saya harus memposting pemberitanian penundaan pengumpulan Tugas Akhir pada mahasiswa saya karena libur kepala puasa. Akhirnya, Saya menaikan nada saya dan 'memerintahkan' dia untuk menggosok gigi.

Lalu SMS itu masuk....

"Telah dipanggil pulang anak dari rekan kerja kita saudari  Xyz. Mohon doa untuk beliau dan keluarganya"

Badan saya ngilu dan lemas. Teman dosen saya ini sudah bertumbuh dalam hati saya. Kami sudah menjadi dekat dan dukanya adalah duka saya (kami) juga.

Baru minggu lalu ia bercerita tentang anaknya yang sudah mendingan dari sakit dan telah kembali ceria.
Baru minggu lalu ia bercerita tentang anaknya dalam English Club Session yang saya pandu.
Baru minggu lalu, Tuhan! ... Dia sungguh optimis anaknya sudah baik-baik saja.

Anaknya belum juga 1 tahun... Saya rasa sekarang dia pun sedang berteriak 'Mengapa?"

Life is short for the little angel... membuat saya teringat sebait lagu CCM, Held by Natalie Grant

"To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling"

Beberapa saat yang lalu Tania akhirnya tertidur... Tidur sambil saya dekap erat.
Hati saya remuk mengingat saudari saya akan menghadapi malam-malam berat untuk entah berapa lama. Cobaan ini berat ya Tuhan.... Cobaan dan Ujian ini sungguh berat.

Kata dan kalimat apa yang bisa kami bilang untuk membuatmu tersenyum
Kami cuma bisa topang dalam doa.... Kami cuma bisa bilang kami berdiri bersamamu
Kami... saudarimu.

------------------------
HELD
by Natalie Grant
(translated by me)

Two months is too little, they let him go     

          (Dua Bulan. Dia masih terlalu kecil. Mereka harus melepaskannya)
They had no sudden healing

          (mereka tidak punya kesembuhan / keajaiban)
To think that providence

          (untuk berpikir bahwa yang maha kuasa)
Would take a child from his mother

          (Akan mengambil seorang anak dari ibunya)
While she prays, is appalling

          (sementara ia berdoa, adalah hal yang mengerikan/menyedihkan)

Who told us we'd be rescued

          (siapa yang bilang kita akan diselamatkan)
What has changed and

          (apa yang sudah berubah)
Why should we be saved from nightmares

         (mengapa kita harus diselamatkan dari mimpi buruk ini)
We're asking why this happens to us

         (kami bertanya  mengapa hal ini terjadi pada kita)

Who have died to live, it's unfair

          (yang telah mati untuk kembali hidup, ini tidak adil)

This is what it means to be held

         (inilah yang rasanya ketika kita dipegang)
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

          (beginilah rasanya ketika yang tersuci dicabik keluar dari hidup kita)
And you survive

          (dan kita selamat - tetap hidup)

This is what it is to be loved and to know

          (inilah rasanya dicintai dan untuk tahu)
That the promise was that when everything fell

          (bahwa janjiNYA adalah ketika segala sesuatunya runtuh)
We'd be held

          (Kita akan selalu dipegangNYA)

 

This hand is bitterness

          (Tangan ini adalah kepahitan)
We want to taste it and

          (Kita ingin merasakannya dan)
Let the hatred numb our sorrows

          (membiarkan kebencian/kepedihan mematikan rasa dari kesedihan kita)
The wise hand opens slowly

          (Tangan yang Bijak itu terbuka dengan perlahan-lahan)
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

           (bagi bunga Lily di padang dan untuk hari esok)

This is what it means to be held

         (inilah yang rasanya ketika kita dipegang)
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

          (beginilah rasanya ketika yang tersuci dicabik keluar dari hidup kita)
And you survive

          (dan kita selamat - tetap hidup)

This is what it is to be loved and to know

          (inilah rasanya dicintai dan untuk tahu)
That the promise was that when everything fell

          (bahwa janjiNYA adalah ketika segala sesuatunya runtuh)
We'd be held

          (Kita akan selalu dipegangNYA)

 

If hope if born of suffering

            (jika Pengharapan itu lahir dari Kesengsaraan)
If this is only the beginning

          (Jika ini hanyalah permulaannya)
Can we not wait for one hour

          (Tidakkah kita dapat menunggu satu jam lagi)
Watching for our Savior

         (menantikan Penyelamat kita)

This is what it means to be held

         (inilah yang rasanya ketika kita dipegang)
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

          (beginilah rasanya ketika yang tersuci dicabik keluar dari hidup kita)
And you survive

          (dan kita selamat - tetap hidup)

This is what it is to be loved and to know

          (inilah rasanya dicintai dan untuk tahu)
That the promise was that when everything fell

          (bahwa janjiNYA adalah ketika segala sesuatunya runtuh)
We'd be held

          (Kita akan selalu dipegangNYA)

Which one? Memasak atau Mencuci... #NulisRandom2015 Day 3

(Tulisan ini terinspirasi tulisan teman saya Ni Nyoman Anna dalam Nyomnyomblog.)


Definitelly memasak lah... Saya mau saja masak dari pagi sampe malam selama tidak disuruh mencuci.
Saya paling benci disuruh mencuci. Baik pakaian, piring, rumah dll. Tapi saya paling suka memasak.
Belum bisa disebut Ahli masak... karena saya masih belajar. Tapi sedikit demi sedikit ketrampilan memasak saya lebih terasah baik dari skill, pengetahuan, balancing rasa dll.

Saya suka masak karena saya suka makan... dan ini tentu tidak membuat badan saya berterima kasih. intinya, badan saya subur sekali hehehehe... sudah dua minggu ini saya perhatikan timbangan ini kok tidak turun dari 60 ya... bahkan naik 4 kilo... mwahahahahaha.... AIB!
Anyway.... bagi yang baca ini semoga anda satu golongan timbangan dengan saya sehingga anda merasa tidak sendirian. Saya sekarang (sudah) tidak malu (lagi) dengan berat badan. Sekali-kali masih di'ejek' suami... hehehehe... Tapi saya sangat happy dengan hidup saya. Timbangan has nothing to do with it.

OK balik ke memasak. Mahasiswa dan murid-murid saya yang lain tahu benar kalau saya addicted to Masterchef... hihihiihii... bahakan adik saya akan bilang "Katong bisa nonton lain selain masak-masak dan CSI-CSIan, ka seng?"... Oh ya, That's my other addiction ALL CSI. my favourite is still undoubtedly NCSI with Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Don't laugh SIMON!) and Ziva David.

As for mencuci dan membersihkan... Itu tunggu ada moodnya dulu. Kalo urusan mencuci piring, My mom selalu komplain kalau saya memasak dengan seluruh panci, baskom dll yang ada di lemari. Well, she does have a point. Tapi mau gimana lagi... saya masak 2 atau 3 masakan sekaligus jadi memang harus begitu dong... As for mencuci pakaian, thank GOD sudah ada Mesin cuci dan Laundry hehehe...

Membersihkan rumah dan kamar? Puji Tuhan, saya diberkati dengan Suami yang rapih... kadang dia suka jengkel juga saya sukanya naroh barang sembarangan. Tapi sejak menikah, kamar saya (kami) selalu rapi, bersih dan bebas debu... ehem... What???!... I am NOT perfect, people!
I love you Honey!

When in Doubt.... #nNulisRandom2015 Day 2

I have the privilege of being able to make the choice of staying with my daughter and see her grow up. My husband and I both have this privileged of choice. This morning I woke up to Tania sleeping Beside me on our bed. Simon explained that she wet her bed last night. Simon was frazzled from not enough sleep and I still have my headache from last night.

Both Simon and I are living quite a different lifestyle we had few years ago. Simon worked at an International Humanitarian NGO which deployed him to places around Indonesia and abroad as well as frequent travel domestically and abroad. I was deeply rooted with peace building, reconciliation and interfaith activities with grassroots Ambon. but then we both went abroad to study and then.... we had Tania.

I must admit, I felt lost and jealous of others in motion around me. I am not second guessing and regret having Tania... God knows I never did. But frankly any mother/parents will definitely go through this phase of transition. I am glad that both Simon and I go through this together and that we have the same ideas of what we want out life to become.

Tania became the center of our world. We arrange our schedule and activities around her. It's not easy trying to put everything in proportion. We are blessed beyond measures that we have and are able to make our own choice. After our return from our study in UK. Simon and I spent few months not working and just enjoying our time with Tania. We are blessed with families of both sides who have no expectation or demand of us. It's the way our life and our society functions. Imagine what will become of us when we live in the 'western' society where it's almost dis empowering to live with your parents once you come of age. Once we marveled at the amazing simplicity and contentment of our life that we go around for more than a month with only Rp. 50,000,- (3.57 pounds or 4 dollar-ish) in our pockets. and yet, we never lack a thing.

When we wanted to start working, Simon and I went back teaching at my family run Language center where I can do that from home still watching over Tania. We went on countless picnics, stimulate Tania's learning, spend time playing and reading to her... just bonding with her. When we take more serious job as part time lecturer, Simon and I arrange that when one is teaching the other will stay with Tania. Still, on rare occasion where we both are needed, we have our extended family to fend for us.

Believe you me, though it sounded fairy tale-ish... It's not always so. The price of transition are always too real. We have one or two slip ups, arguments, frustration etc... but Thank God things work out in the end.

So why am I telling you this? I do not want to boast not drool you with my story. I am still battling urges to be free as the wind again. To spend my time roaming the city and do activities with my friends. But perhaps... I grow up... hehehehe... no... It will make growing up sounds so dull and ... wrong... I think having Tania give your life a better perspective. Children teach us not to be selfish.

Lately, I (we) have been busier. Business and work are running very well. Demand for our skills and traits are increasing. Then Tania dropped the bomb as she called me on the phone one night as I was riding the public transport back from my night class down at the city center.

"Mommy, Where are you?"
"Hi, honey. Mommy is in the (public) car. I am on my way home"
"This is awfuly late Mommy" (It was almost 8 PM. I will probably be home past 8)
"I know dear. I am sorry. I have just finished with my class. Have you had your dinner"
"Yes. I have. But you are very late. This is past dinner time"
"I know dear. I am sorry"
"Mommy you always never have dinner with me anymore. You said dinner is important for family"

She was 41/2 years old. She's my wake up call.
The most important thing in life that God gave you is your family. and I have lost sight of that. I let my 'work' define me. I neglect my little girl and my family.
So though it breaks my heart. I make a decision to postpone for a few month a class that I love very much to teach. The class where I still have so  much ideas to share with. I made a promise to myself to be more present for her. Simon and I enforce new rules. No Gadgets (phone, ipad, etc) on dining table at home or at the restaurants. We need to talk. We are loosing our valuable time to gadgets. This realization came to us one day when we were at the restaurants and I was texting a friend. Simon took away my phone and told me to look around the restaurant. Everyone at the tables were sitting side by side fixated to their phone. They do not even talk to each other. He said, "Do we want to be like that?". Hell, no I don't. So we bring pencil and paper. Tania draw and chat with us. We talked about things... important and nonsense. We argue... we connect.

Anyway, If you are able. If your life present you with choice then choose family (children,husband,wife) over work and other activities. But if you cannot, That's fine. don't beat yourself up because of it.
I do not blame nor look down to families who have to work around the clock to provide for their family. I salute them for making that sacrifice. You got to do what you got to do. I am also not better than those working full time mom. I know i may become one of them perhaps next year as the finalization of my official government employee status is instated. But when I do have to work 8-5, God help me to be present when I am with my little girl and my husband.

What Susie says.... #NulisRandom2015 Day 1

Kemarin saya dilantik menjadi pengurus sebuah organisasi baru. Setelah foto2nya beredar di dunia maya, saya mendapatkan beberapa tanggapan dan komentar. Banyak yang memberikan komentar positif tapi ada beberapa komentar yang membuat saya berpikir.

Seupil komentar ini adalah mengenai keraguan akan kredibilitas dan kemampuan orang-orang yang ada dalam kepengurusan tersebut. Ya, ini adalah organisasi baru dan Ya, mereka (dan saya) yang ada didalamnya adalah orang-orang muda. Ya, Kami belum cukup banyak makan asam garam. Ya, beberapa (dan bahkan semua kami) telah mencetak beberapa imej baik dan buruk.

Tapi bukankah semua manusia juga demikian?

Sekuat apapun manusia berusaha berbuat yang terbaik. Manusia mungkin melakukan kesalahan.
Sebaik apapun tindakan kita pasti ada orang yang melihat dari sisi yang terburuk.

Dalam hidup saya, selama bertumbuh dan berkembang, saya banyak mendapat dorongan positif baik dari orang tua, handai tolan, guru dan teman. Mereka semua percaya pada saya, pada kemampuan saya dan pada kerja keras saya. Pada suatu saat, saya sungguh percaya semua itu dan menjadi sombong.

Pepatah berbahasa Inggris mengatakan, "Pride goes before a fall" (Kesombongan adalah awal dari kejatuhan), dan hal ini terjadi pada saya. Dalam hidup saya yang sudah 30 tahun lebih ini, saya banyak mengalami kekecewaan dan kekalahan bahkan kejatuhan dan kesalahan. Namun semua itu membuat saya semakin bijak. Bukan untuk dilihat orang tapi bijak bagi diri sendiri agar saya dapat hidup damai.

Saya belajar bahwa saya tidak lebih baik dari orang lain. Puji Tuhan, saya punya beberapa pengalaman yang dianggap banyak orang lebih dari dari orang lain, namun itu tidak menjadikan saya yang paling baik.

Ketika tadi malam dan pagi ini saya mencermati setiap wajah dalam foto-foto hasil pelantikan kemarin. Saya melihat begitu banyak potensi dan pengalaman yang dapat mereka (dan saya) bawa dalam proses tugas mulia kami. Ya, saya tahu beberapa hal, tapi kawan-kawan saya tahu banyak hal yang saya tidak tahu dengan berkaca pada pengalaman mereka sendiri.

Kami punya awal yang sedikit gamang memang, namun pada hari gladi resik, ketika kami duduk melingkar bersama, ada satu pemikiran yang terus terngiang di kepala saya,

"We all have potentials. Everyone does. All it takes is for each and everyone of this individuals to be given a chance to shine. All it matters is if we work together to use our individuals and common strength to overcome our weakness."

Kemudian setelah membaca dan mendengar komentar-komentar ini ada teman yang suka sharing kutipan inspiratif dan dia mengirimkan foto diatas. "What Susie says of Sally, says more about Susie than of Sally".. bahwa apa yang dikatakan (baca: digosipkan, dibicarakan, dibisik-bisikan) oleh Susie tentang (keburukan) Sally sebenarnya lebih mencerminkan siapa Susie sebenarnya dibandingkan tentang Sally.

Sehingga kalau ada orang yang mempertanyakan kredibilitas dan kemampuan kelompok kecil ini, maka kita sudah dapat menebak mentalitas dan kemampuan orang(orang) tersebut. Mereka mungkin berpikir mereka lebih baik dari orang lain.... dan lebih baik dari kami yang ada dalam tim yang baru dilantik ini.

Tak masalah! Tak perlu mempermasalahkan hal ini.

Bagi saya pribadi ini semakin meneguhkan pembelajaran pribadi dan prinsip saya yang telah saya bangun dan percayai selama ini bahwa saya tidak dan tidak perlu merasa dan membuktikan bahwa saya lebih baik dari orang lain. Kalau saya berpikir begini terus saya akan selalu membandingkan diri saya dengan orang lain. dan jika ini terjadi saya tidak akan pernah merasa puas.

Saya sangat puas dengan diri saya, kegagalan saya dan pencapaian-pencapaian saya selama ini. Saya bangga bisa bertemu dengan banyak orang-orang hebat. The only person I need to be better is my yesterday self. For everyday, I want to be a better person. For me and an example for my daughter.

So yes, kami muda dan masih harus banyak belajar. Tapi belajar harus dimulai pada suatu titik kan? dan ini adalah titik awal kami. Kami mungkin harus jatuh bangun namun ini proses belajar kami.

This is the beginning friends! The road is long... but victory awaits!

My Apologies

Well well well...

It appears that I have neglected my blog for quite a while.
I do humbly apologize for those people in my life who has been tickling me about getting back writing. I know some people read my blog but I didn't realize that they were looking forward for a new entry. My goal to create this blog was to record my thoughts. I was a diary writer during my growing up days. And blog just seems to be the right platform. My initial (and still is) goal is not to raked as many readers and followers but simply to share and connect. So again thank you for enjoying and taking lessons from my blog entries. Thank you for urging me to write again. And... please forgive me for neglecting it for so long.

Let me fill you in of what happen since my January post.
- I have passed the CPNS Tests (Calon Pegawai Negeri Sipil // Government officials Recruitments Tests) to be the lecturer of English at my almamater, FKIP Bahasa Inggris (English Department of Faculty of Teacher's Training) of Pattimura University. My documents are currently being process to attain my Official Registry Numbers etc. So... yeah... prior to that my days were filled with complying to the process of certification, documents gathering and the likes.

- Our Language Center, Marlene's Language Center is thriving. we got an overwhelming request and applications of new students that we had to turned some of them down. Meanwhile a more pressing priorities are for us to perfected our management system, preparing facilities and at the same time maintaining the level of quality we set.

- We still helped out as part-time lecturers of English at Accounting Department at our local Politechnics. 

- Our Little Girl Tania, the most important and the center of our life, is now a starter reader. She can read 3 or 4 letters words and I have spotted some reading challenges that I can help her with, such as the different pronunciation of 'i' and 'c' when it is combined with different letters in a word. I shall write a separate updates for that. Meanwhile we have begun to think and to consider several Pre-School for her.

Other than that, it is mainly to spend and create quality time with Tania and Simon, my better half. In this retrospects. I do not regret letting go the opportunities for workshops, seminars, gatherings etc etc... these quality times we spent are most important.

I thank God that I have the privilege of choice of being able to choose to give up some work opportunities to stay and make time with my daughter and husband. I reserve no judgement of my other fellow mothers who had to work and do not my have my privilege. Seriously, there are no correct parenting and marriage method. Each one of us need to see what works. What works for me might not work entirely for others and vice versa. We simply need to take the best learning curve and apply and evaluate and come up with our own style. what matters is that our husband and child(ren) knows how much we love them. That we do not forget to tell them that. That we do not forget to give them a few seconds of loving hugs. That we give 5 minutes of our time to simple listen to them and give them a loving touch.

All in all everyone! Make moments to remember... that doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Chances are it's free. As free as a smile, a hug .-

New Year!!! What's New?

So it's 2015!!! Happy New year!!!
Hope you have a brilliant start of the year.
My 2015 begins with a shaky start. Illness... my little family begin with unhealthy body. As I am writing this my lil' Girl is on the road to recovery. Poor girl has lost a lot of weight. So sad to see her that way. My husband was also taken ill as the new year rolls. I have some medical conditions that I need to continue to checked on. All in all, it wasn't a smashing, brilliant start of the new year. However, the time spent caring for them has allowed me to reflect, consider and be thankful of all the amazing blessings we have over the years. I am sharing with you my thankful list

1.  I am thankful for my life. The ups and downs, the joy, the sadness, the success and the failures, the wisdom, the mistakes. All of those helped me to be a better person. 
2. I am thankful for my husband. My rock, my friend, my lover, the loving father of my child. He who liberates and keeps me grounded. 
3. My little girl who taught me more about what worth living for. She is the axis of where our world revolves. 
4. My family - yes, they can be frustrating to dealt with but they are the only people in the world who truly know me, accept me and love me. no matter what happen, i know they have my back.
5. My friends - what is life without them. Both old and new, they are unique and they brought different spices to my soup of life
6. LKP Marlene's Language Center - this is our family business. It has been very kind to us. Through the year we have learned a lot through it both about Language teaching and management. We continue to develop and improve. But I am most thankful for the opportunity it gives for me to work from home. (Some people will understand what a luxury this is).
7. Opportunities and Open Doors - 2014 ended with many doors opens for me. It is a blessings. It is only grace. They led to many roads i can choose for to journey 2015.
8. Life experience - seriously! Both good and bad! I won't trade my life for anything. My life is amazing.
9. Teaching - what better way to bring about change than being a teacher. I got to do what I am passionate about and touching lives of many in the process. I am thankful, I have the privilege of sharing my knowledge. 
10. Food on our table, clothes on our bodies, roof over our heads, money in our wallets, motorcycle for our transportation, communication gadgets and what not, Safety on our journeys, smiles to warm our days, ideas that inspire and motivates -- and the list goes on. Thank you Jesus

----------

Unlike the past years, this year I didn't make any resolution. It is not that I am dealing with sickness but because I just don't feel like making one. My last 2 years resolutions never get done. So this year I decided not to make any life. but to take notes of what I learned and what need to be improved.
The illness that begins this year has helped to remind me that the care for body and soul is important. Time for family is crucial. Time management is major.

It is most definitely going to be another the busiest year of my life. However, I will try to find balance. To have more intimate time with God, To put my little girl and husband first on the list of my work, to make sure I do not bit more than I can chew, to ask for help and to care for myself.Sounds like a resolution in itself... hehehe.

So again, Happy New Year! May you find what is important in life and do your best to find balance in yours.-

About Raising a Daughter and a Barbie Birthday Cake

Last Monday, Sept 8th, was my daughter 4th birthday. She is indeed a blessing to us and to me especially. Through her life, she taught me so much more than those inspirational-self-development books, parenting books, parents advices etc. She taught me to see and accept myself in a more honest way despite all my strength and weakness. She taught me to see the world differently with her innocent and wise point-of-view. She made me want to be the best of myself. She made me want to do the impossible. Then few days before her birthday, I began to think of what I have given and will give to her. What is it that I want to teach her? What legacy I want to leave behind? How do I want her to grow? how should I help her to find herself? Do any of my (our) actions as parents any good to her? are they beneficial? are they damaging? Have we shown enough love?
These thoughts hung in my head and in  my heart as I continue the days work and preparing for her birthday celebration.

About the Cake
For her Birthday, I challenge myself to do something I have never done before - baking birthday cakes and decorating it. Few months before, Tania and I was watching Food Network programs on Cake baking and decorating. We both loved one of the cake, a fairy cake that uses a barbie toy as the decoration part of the cake. She said, "WOW! Mommy that looks very difficult but very beautiful cake". Her words difficult and the twinkle in her eyes set my heart to find out how to make one. SO I spend one and a half months searching and reading the internet on how to make one, to decorate etc. I watched tutorials and memorized the steps. I psyched myself into believing that I can do it. So 3 weeks prior to her birthday, I began to make plan. Listed all the ingredients and it's substitute. Then I went to the several stores getting quotes of prices as well as comparing it to my list. Finally 4 days before the day. I know I can do it. However, due to my escalating teaching work and family activities. I was not able to do the baking 2 days before (the Saturday). Thus, I started baking at 12 midday on Sunday (1 day before her birthday). I have never baked before. So My cake turned out flat and not able to rise. My mother who bakes very well back in the day, was sick so she cannot help me with it. However, she did came out and told me to use the simplest recipe and techniques. The cake turned out well. Not as risen as I hoped it should be but enough. Because the cakes were not very high, I need to bake several times to achieve the height I wanted. So I ended up did 5 times baking. It was exhausting to do the baking by yourself when your electric mixer do not have the speed you need and it is not the standing mixer that you can left there to work on the table. I have to held the mixer for more than 30 minutes each (so times that to 5 times baking) -- arrgh talk about aching!

By 6 in the afternoon, All the cakes finished baking. I cannot sculpt and decorate it yet. The how-tos and tutorial all said for the cake to be bake one day before the decorating. But I don;t have that luxury. Thus, I wrapped the cake in cling wrap and popped them in the refrigerator. While they are in the fridge, I took a bath and then set to work on the butter cream. I tried a ready to use buttercream from the bake shop but it tasted artificial and plasticky. So I bought 1.5 kg of Shortening. I then add powdered milk, icing sugar and condensed milk. Then I beat them in an electric mixer for about 45 minutes. I stopped once in a while to taste making sure I get rid of the plastic taste and those stick in your mouth ceiling after taste.

At 8 PM, Butter cream is ready, divided, colored tested and put in the triangle pouch with the spout I wanted. Then the decorating begin. I already have a plan in mind so I was pretty confident to do it. First, I stacked the bottom part f the cake which consist of 2 big round cakes together with a strawberry cream filling. Then I smoothed green color butter cream on it. This is the grass where the barbie will stand. Second, I stacked 4 smaller cakes together to make a tall tower with strawberry cream filling. Then I make holes in the middle to fit the barbie later. Next, I sculpted the Cake for the Barbie skirt. Now the barbie skirt is ready to be transferred on top of the green base cake. After carefully placing it on the base cake, I put the barbie in the hole and adjust the height of the cake to her waist. After that,  I smoothed purple color butter cream as the base color of the cake.
Then, come the decorating part. By 11.45 PM, I was exhausted. I wrote her name 'TANIA" and then decided I am too tired for more decorative butter cream. So I throw in some sugared flowers and silver glitter etc. Then I stand back... I was elated... I didn't expect I can finished it. It was not very tidy and smooth but hey... I am a first timer. - The Cake arrived in Waai at almost 1 AM on Sept 8th. My husband had been waiting. And as we sat down drinking the hot tea he made, we marveled at what amazing gift a child is to his/her parents - Kids made parents do what they consider impossible.

About raising a daughter
I receive lots of great comments on the achievement of making a 'grand' cake. I also receive several comments about why I choose Barbie for my little girl. The comments do not make me angry or offended instead I welcome these comments. They made me more aware of what and how it is to raise a daughter in this world. There are so many talks about feminist and women/girl empowerment this walk side by side with the fact that all around the world women, girl, females are still oppressed, dis-empowered, discouraged, violated and so on. My little girl will grow up in time where woman equality movement is widespread and acknowledge. However in the nooks and crannies of the world and the minds of people, some things have not change (yet). It is a big challenge to raise a child, girl (and boys too), to grow up to be a loving and respectful person to one another.

In general some women equality activist or feminist diss Barbie for putting the wrong (or too perfect and absurd) imaging of a 'perfect' girl/woman meanwhile not all kids/girls/woman have the Barbie image. The idea was that we need to raise our daughters NOT to grow up in a world that values her body over her mind.Some of the messages I receive asked me why an empowered woman like me allowed my daughter to play with Barbie? Aren't I afraid she will grow up into the box that we all trying to get our daughters to avoid.

I remember few years before, I read the arguments about whether or not allowing daughters to play with Barbie. Most of them agree that Barbie do not encourage healthy self-esteem and body image. I wonder why no one strongly argues that Boys should not play with toy gun etc because I believe it will introduce violence. Why no one argues that boy shouldn't play with GI Joe toys,? Is it because it is what boys are meant to do?

I am still learning as a parents. I do not say every thing I do is correct. But I want to think, I will try to do what is best for my daughter. Thus if I want to raise an empowered daughter, I think I should not put boxes in her head. That she belong to this and not that. I believe the negative effect of Barbie is down to the lack of Parental control and guidance. Simon and I make sure we sat down and watch the movies or TV programs with Tania. We explain and discuss the movies. Making sure she gets the positive message it contains. Yes, Tania is currently into princess craze but we focus on what makes a princess - it is her kindness, her care to others and her use of her position to help others. Instead of her looks.

So I think in order for her to grow up into an empowered, mighty and strong woman, I think I should NOT throw barbie all together. She will play with her friends who have barbies. She will grow in a world where Barbie exist etc. But the best thing I can do is NOT to keep it away from her. But to allow her to play if she wanted to and explain the positive things about it. After all, it is part of her growing up - to meet, encounter, dwell, think and decide about this matter. I think that is when I raise a mighty and strong girls.

I decided to be unapologetic if my daughter play with Barbie. Because if we are to empower her, why should we boxed her (and her parents), label her (and her parents) and judge her (and her parents) based on her toys, based on whether she plays with barbie or not.

Few days ago I also read a friend posted a inspiring pictures on Facebook that said, "Children will play with anyone and everyone, until their parents says not to". The picture shows 2 children: one white one dark skin. This refer to racial discrimination but I think this apply with Barbie too... Our choice of barbie cake is not based on whether I (or she) wanted her to grow into that image or that we adore that bodily image and the princess nature of her. Simply because it looks beautiful and it's a wonderful challenge for me. It will make my daughter happy... and it definitely priceless to see her WOW! when she saw it in the morning.

It is not that I defend barbie or other girly toys. I simply mean I do not want my daughter to feel apologetic when she does. It is my role as mother and parents to help her see past the shallowness of what ever girly segmented toys and dolls she will come across in her life.

This also applies to whether or not I can/should call my daughter Princess, beautiful or pretty.
My daughter will grow up and be in a world where there most likely be one or more bully(ies) who will call her names, mock her etc. But I wanted her to know that she is beautiful NOT just because of physical features but to expand her understanding of what beautiful is... It is inside and out... My role is to help her navigate and help her make her decision about these harmful effect of other people opinion about what she believe in.

She is our beautiful princess fairy superhero earth explorer and experiementer balerina ... and everything she wanted to become.... We love you dearly...