About Raising a Daughter and a Barbie Birthday Cake

Last Monday, Sept 8th, was my daughter 4th birthday. She is indeed a blessing to us and to me especially. Through her life, she taught me so much more than those inspirational-self-development books, parenting books, parents advices etc. She taught me to see and accept myself in a more honest way despite all my strength and weakness. She taught me to see the world differently with her innocent and wise point-of-view. She made me want to be the best of myself. She made me want to do the impossible. Then few days before her birthday, I began to think of what I have given and will give to her. What is it that I want to teach her? What legacy I want to leave behind? How do I want her to grow? how should I help her to find herself? Do any of my (our) actions as parents any good to her? are they beneficial? are they damaging? Have we shown enough love?
These thoughts hung in my head and in  my heart as I continue the days work and preparing for her birthday celebration.

About the Cake
For her Birthday, I challenge myself to do something I have never done before - baking birthday cakes and decorating it. Few months before, Tania and I was watching Food Network programs on Cake baking and decorating. We both loved one of the cake, a fairy cake that uses a barbie toy as the decoration part of the cake. She said, "WOW! Mommy that looks very difficult but very beautiful cake". Her words difficult and the twinkle in her eyes set my heart to find out how to make one. SO I spend one and a half months searching and reading the internet on how to make one, to decorate etc. I watched tutorials and memorized the steps. I psyched myself into believing that I can do it. So 3 weeks prior to her birthday, I began to make plan. Listed all the ingredients and it's substitute. Then I went to the several stores getting quotes of prices as well as comparing it to my list. Finally 4 days before the day. I know I can do it. However, due to my escalating teaching work and family activities. I was not able to do the baking 2 days before (the Saturday). Thus, I started baking at 12 midday on Sunday (1 day before her birthday). I have never baked before. So My cake turned out flat and not able to rise. My mother who bakes very well back in the day, was sick so she cannot help me with it. However, she did came out and told me to use the simplest recipe and techniques. The cake turned out well. Not as risen as I hoped it should be but enough. Because the cakes were not very high, I need to bake several times to achieve the height I wanted. So I ended up did 5 times baking. It was exhausting to do the baking by yourself when your electric mixer do not have the speed you need and it is not the standing mixer that you can left there to work on the table. I have to held the mixer for more than 30 minutes each (so times that to 5 times baking) -- arrgh talk about aching!

By 6 in the afternoon, All the cakes finished baking. I cannot sculpt and decorate it yet. The how-tos and tutorial all said for the cake to be bake one day before the decorating. But I don;t have that luxury. Thus, I wrapped the cake in cling wrap and popped them in the refrigerator. While they are in the fridge, I took a bath and then set to work on the butter cream. I tried a ready to use buttercream from the bake shop but it tasted artificial and plasticky. So I bought 1.5 kg of Shortening. I then add powdered milk, icing sugar and condensed milk. Then I beat them in an electric mixer for about 45 minutes. I stopped once in a while to taste making sure I get rid of the plastic taste and those stick in your mouth ceiling after taste.

At 8 PM, Butter cream is ready, divided, colored tested and put in the triangle pouch with the spout I wanted. Then the decorating begin. I already have a plan in mind so I was pretty confident to do it. First, I stacked the bottom part f the cake which consist of 2 big round cakes together with a strawberry cream filling. Then I smoothed green color butter cream on it. This is the grass where the barbie will stand. Second, I stacked 4 smaller cakes together to make a tall tower with strawberry cream filling. Then I make holes in the middle to fit the barbie later. Next, I sculpted the Cake for the Barbie skirt. Now the barbie skirt is ready to be transferred on top of the green base cake. After carefully placing it on the base cake, I put the barbie in the hole and adjust the height of the cake to her waist. After that,  I smoothed purple color butter cream as the base color of the cake.
Then, come the decorating part. By 11.45 PM, I was exhausted. I wrote her name 'TANIA" and then decided I am too tired for more decorative butter cream. So I throw in some sugared flowers and silver glitter etc. Then I stand back... I was elated... I didn't expect I can finished it. It was not very tidy and smooth but hey... I am a first timer. - The Cake arrived in Waai at almost 1 AM on Sept 8th. My husband had been waiting. And as we sat down drinking the hot tea he made, we marveled at what amazing gift a child is to his/her parents - Kids made parents do what they consider impossible.

About raising a daughter
I receive lots of great comments on the achievement of making a 'grand' cake. I also receive several comments about why I choose Barbie for my little girl. The comments do not make me angry or offended instead I welcome these comments. They made me more aware of what and how it is to raise a daughter in this world. There are so many talks about feminist and women/girl empowerment this walk side by side with the fact that all around the world women, girl, females are still oppressed, dis-empowered, discouraged, violated and so on. My little girl will grow up in time where woman equality movement is widespread and acknowledge. However in the nooks and crannies of the world and the minds of people, some things have not change (yet). It is a big challenge to raise a child, girl (and boys too), to grow up to be a loving and respectful person to one another.

In general some women equality activist or feminist diss Barbie for putting the wrong (or too perfect and absurd) imaging of a 'perfect' girl/woman meanwhile not all kids/girls/woman have the Barbie image. The idea was that we need to raise our daughters NOT to grow up in a world that values her body over her mind.Some of the messages I receive asked me why an empowered woman like me allowed my daughter to play with Barbie? Aren't I afraid she will grow up into the box that we all trying to get our daughters to avoid.

I remember few years before, I read the arguments about whether or not allowing daughters to play with Barbie. Most of them agree that Barbie do not encourage healthy self-esteem and body image. I wonder why no one strongly argues that Boys should not play with toy gun etc because I believe it will introduce violence. Why no one argues that boy shouldn't play with GI Joe toys,? Is it because it is what boys are meant to do?

I am still learning as a parents. I do not say every thing I do is correct. But I want to think, I will try to do what is best for my daughter. Thus if I want to raise an empowered daughter, I think I should not put boxes in her head. That she belong to this and not that. I believe the negative effect of Barbie is down to the lack of Parental control and guidance. Simon and I make sure we sat down and watch the movies or TV programs with Tania. We explain and discuss the movies. Making sure she gets the positive message it contains. Yes, Tania is currently into princess craze but we focus on what makes a princess - it is her kindness, her care to others and her use of her position to help others. Instead of her looks.

So I think in order for her to grow up into an empowered, mighty and strong woman, I think I should NOT throw barbie all together. She will play with her friends who have barbies. She will grow in a world where Barbie exist etc. But the best thing I can do is NOT to keep it away from her. But to allow her to play if she wanted to and explain the positive things about it. After all, it is part of her growing up - to meet, encounter, dwell, think and decide about this matter. I think that is when I raise a mighty and strong girls.

I decided to be unapologetic if my daughter play with Barbie. Because if we are to empower her, why should we boxed her (and her parents), label her (and her parents) and judge her (and her parents) based on her toys, based on whether she plays with barbie or not.

Few days ago I also read a friend posted a inspiring pictures on Facebook that said, "Children will play with anyone and everyone, until their parents says not to". The picture shows 2 children: one white one dark skin. This refer to racial discrimination but I think this apply with Barbie too... Our choice of barbie cake is not based on whether I (or she) wanted her to grow into that image or that we adore that bodily image and the princess nature of her. Simply because it looks beautiful and it's a wonderful challenge for me. It will make my daughter happy... and it definitely priceless to see her WOW! when she saw it in the morning.

It is not that I defend barbie or other girly toys. I simply mean I do not want my daughter to feel apologetic when she does. It is my role as mother and parents to help her see past the shallowness of what ever girly segmented toys and dolls she will come across in her life.

This also applies to whether or not I can/should call my daughter Princess, beautiful or pretty.
My daughter will grow up and be in a world where there most likely be one or more bully(ies) who will call her names, mock her etc. But I wanted her to know that she is beautiful NOT just because of physical features but to expand her understanding of what beautiful is... It is inside and out... My role is to help her navigate and help her make her decision about these harmful effect of other people opinion about what she believe in.

She is our beautiful princess fairy superhero earth explorer and experiementer balerina ... and everything she wanted to become.... We love you dearly...