Curly Wurly: NOT the chocolate.. yet it's Bitter Sweet

Nope! This is not a post about the iconic Cadbury chocolate coated candy bar. The name just sprang to my head as I am about to write this. This is a post about curly hair... my curly hair... and all curly-ers out there. 

I changed my Facebook profile picture yesterday. It was my 2009 picture of me enjoying the sun and the wind on Brighton beach taken by my husband Simon. In that picture, my curly hair is glorified because it was taken as I stand sideways of the camera. And yes, my curly hair has drawn quite significant comments. In significant I meant 8 FB messages, 2 Text messages and a lengthy chat on Skype on that subject. The comments ranging from how much they like it to how hideous it is and how unsuitably it is on me. Hence, it prompt me to write this post. 

The Mentioned curly hair Picture

To start off, my hair is naturally curly. That's what the Indonesian define my hair. My foreigner friends says my hair is actually wavy instead of curly. Which ever that is, the fact is that my hair doesn't have a uniformed patterned of waves. They are quite unruly, the front part is OK. It is wavy, quite nice and glossy, the side waves can be frizzy and twisted to totally different angle, the back waves are well waved (hehe) but always frizzy and curled uncontrollably. These are worsen by the fact that my hair is very thick and dry. Pheww.... Can you imagine analyzing your hair this early morning. 

Growing up, my hair had become something I am not proud of, quite embarrassed with it actually. I've been called names and such, not a pleasant memory. I was a tomboy (and to certain extend I am still am) so having to hacked off the source of my agony to a military cut came to no surprised at all. I sported the cut through out my elementary and junior high school. It went superbly with my tomboy demeanor, purple-black bike that never left my side, the endless collection of shorts and trousers and Karate classes I enrolled.

High school saw me thrown into whirlwind of trying to fit in. The other girls looked cute and pretty in their frocks and beautiful long hair. Thus, I grew my hair long in hopes to soften my tomboy nature. My hair had a mind of their own. Instead of beautiful thick wave of hair, I ended up in a mass of tangled, frizzed and unruly hair... (OK... I just laughed at this... The beauty of growing up). I braided my hair or tied it really tight that they sometimes hurt my scalp. My saving grace came in the form of permanent hair straightening product. it was a total craze in my time and it is still now. For the first time, I felt 'beautiful', accepted, belonged and 'worthy'. (Yes, please do not judge. This is what a teenage felt and the words I put in quote were the end of the world feeling so please forgive my superfluous words). Needless to say, the permanent hair straightening regime continued until now (every 6 - 8 months). Then I began purchasing hair grooming gadgets such as a hair straightener. This helped me to stretched those hair straightening regime to a year or so. It also gives me the freedom to be curly on days that I do not need to be presentable (a.k.a just being at home) and helped on those days where I need to look neat and presentable. 

2009-2010 were the years where I allowed (or challenged) myself to sport my glorious curl and have it without the touch of hair grooming device such as straighteners, curler etc etc. The experience is frightening and liberating. Despite all the comments that my hair looked like a floor mop, the 80s return etc, I kept the hair for 1 year. (Can I get a resounding WOW..please..). The only person who supported me all the way was my beloved husband whom I woke up everyday and have him said I looked beautiful (despite how unruly and ugly morning face and hair I had). He was there the day I cut all the remains of my permanent straightened hair thus let my curly hair emerged unbounded. He was also there helping me to choose the hair product to help tamed my hair. He was always the one who said 'You have to own your look. You are beautiful if you feel you are'.  In short he always said... if you feel confident... just go for it. That year saw me struggling between hating it and loving the liberated feeling it brought. 

I realized today how much I have been a victims of myself... Of course I am also a victims of the media and commercial stereotyping of what a beautiful someone is. But more than that I am the one who make decision to 'hate' my unruly curly hair to 'belonged' to that group of 'beautiful' people. These days I still straighten my hair with permanent hair straightener product every 6 - 12 months and still use the hair straightener device to tame my frizz and to look 'presentable'. Let us not go through what harm it will do to my hair and my health. It will be a loooong post. So why I kept doing it despite the enlightenment? Habit? Slaved by stereotyping? Well, maybe not the later but the first rang true. Nevertheless, more than just a habit it's a choice. Different from my 15 or 17 years old self, I now hold more control over who I am and who I wanted to present myself. The truth is, I still cannot win over my unruly hair but I have learned to love it and know that I can look good and feel good with it. I love my hair to look neat and not worry about whether my hair it jutted in 11 different direction every time I talk with someone. Do you call this a habit formed perception? or other smart terms? Anyhow, Me and any other Asian  or any curly haired women who straightened their hairs are not to be condemned. C'mon! It is not a good or bad and right or wrong thing. I certainly do not want to be judge over this post. I honestly still struggle with owning my curly hair. I am tainted by my own perception. The reality that I can only have the courage to sported my curly hair in UK instead in Indonesia, says a lot on my insecurity towards what my hair shaping who I am and projecting.

Therefore, why writing this in the first place? Well.... My 2 years old daughter has a curly hair. Both my husband and I are curly so it is only natural that she is. But what we wanted is for her not to get 'stuck'.

We began to teach her to love her hair from a very young age. We cannot shout and shun every other people/friends (ours and hers) who called her Kribo (a slightly mean way of calling someone curly in Indonesian language) or any other mean words related to curly hair. But we can helped her to deal with those intentional/unintentional comments and still to lover herself along with the curls. We wanted her to be proud, to own her look. More than just a matter of hair... it is for her to be proud of who she is, where she comes from and what she can contributes to the world with the qualities and talents that God puts in her. 

Ending this with a line from Christina Aguilera Song (twisted the pronoun to "you"), for my beautiful daughter,

You are Beautiful, no matter what they say

Words can't bring you down

You are beautiful, in every single way

Yes, Words can't bring you down

So don't (let they) bring you down today!